The Bachelor

11 WAYS TO UPDATE THE BACHELOR

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Seventeen years ago a single management consultant asked ABC to help him whittle down a pool of romantic interests so that he would be able to select a wife. The Bachelor turns finding a spouse into a fierce competition with the winner receiving a diamond ring and a guaranteed magazine cover.

FINDING LOVE ON TV

After twenty-three seasons the structure has essentially remained the same. Man meets twenty-five strangers who emerge from a prom limousine. He must eliminate candidates, many of whom he can barely remember their names by denying them a funeral rose, culminating in a free engagement ring from Neil Lane and a marriage proposal to his final selection. The participants must cohabitate in a Tuscan style villa in the Valley, sleep in Pottery Barn Kids bunk beds, enjoy a hot tub date in the middle of a field, vie for The Bachelor’s attention on group dates and during middle of the evening cocktails parties, travel to romantic and sometime exotic locations for wild adventures, and withstand the emotional torture that inevitably comes with introducing him to your family and then subsequently having him dump you on national television.

SAME SHOW

I have been watching The Bachelor since the first season. I can still remember how I felt that Monday night in March of 2002 when the show first aired. I was bewildered by the show’s premise and also with the fact one of my childhood classmates was a contestant. Had she not found true love with anyone in the tri-state area?

It is because I have been watching this show for so long I feel qualified to point out the areas in which the show could be updated. Here are some of my ideas.

11 WAYS TO UPDATE THE SHOW

1. Introduce each contestant by showing video footage obtained by a private investigator in the weeks before filming began. We can learn so much about someone pursuing a spouse by having them followed home from the gym or while eating in a mall food court alone.
2. Only cast contestants who agree to stay off social media until one year after their season’s finale airs. If they really want love they won’t care whether anyone gets to see photos from their vacations or of them holding weight loss supplements beside a pastel wall.
3. The contestants should meet The Bachelor in bright daylight. Instead of emerging from a limo they should walk up the driveway. They should all be wearing Target uniforms with name tags.
4. Eliminate background piano music when a couple is having serious conversation. Instead have a man dressed in all black and with a beret playing the flute.
5. Interview former ex-boyfriends. It would be helpful to know timelines of relationships prior to filming and if either party ever had to file a restraining order.
6. More realistic dating scenarios including how to buy for a family of 5 with a limited budget at a Costco.
7. Less helicopters and luxury cars for one-on-dates and more pogo stick races.
8. Hometown dates where The Bachelor is forced to ask her parents for her hand in marriage while eating a plate of noodles with only one chopstick.
9. Less hometown dates where relatives are forced to sit around a table in a rented location while pretending to eat dinner. Have contestants showcase their town with an Olympic inspired torch race with all participants wearing 80s track suits.
10. The Bachelor should announce his final two picks in the form of a love ballad while wearing an ice skating costume.
11. The final two picks should be given a file containing The Bachelor’s financial and voting records of the last four years for them to review. They are given option to take a cash payout or await his engagement decision.

I am very confident these changes would add a new dimension to the show and weed out those that have not signed up for the show for the right reasons.

11 Ways To Update The Bachelor

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Comedian, Author, and Host of Reality Life with Kate Casey podcast.

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